What Changes Constantly, Surprisingly and Swiftly?

Chapter 3  - Marriage and History is quite an indepth look at marriage and can have some pretty deep parts that I found myself scanning over rather quickly.  Maybe I was looking for more of an easy read, but this chapter is not that!

Life is full of change and I do like her explanation of marriage that it changes, Constantly, Surprisingly and Swiftly!  What a ride!

I don't think I had ever really thought about all the different legal and cultural definitions of marriage.  So easy to get caught up in my Western only thinking.

I do know (myself included), that when many people go through a divorce there are as she says, "currents of shame".  These can wash over you at in time it sees.  And often stay longer than what we thought they would.

Then she asks the questions, "Would it be better to marry than be deported?" 

What would you tell her?!

Marriage is full of Suprises!

I so thoroughy enjoyed reading Chapter 2 and found myself with many reflective thoughts.  I thought I would list a few of them that stood out to me.

• I think of myself as being independent, but the Hmong people are described as being spectacularly independent!
• The Hmong women were among the laughingest, happiest she had met.  I love being around happy people!
• How would you like to have 12 people living in a 1 room home?  No thank you!
• She mentions privacy and loneliness as being twins and that privacy is the happier one.  If given a choice would you rather be lonely or have privacy?  I think for myself it would be privacy.
• It would be comforting to be surrounded by many emotional buttresses.
• With rare exceptions, one man is pretty much the same as another (Hmong women).  What do you think?!
• You matter (Western culture) vs your role matters (Hmong people)
• Plant an expectation, reap a disappointment - a good old adage
• Wait-a-Minute-Moments
• Are you a compulsive comparer?
• Our job description as a spouse should not to be each other's everything.

This chapter is overflowing with so much to think about.  I was especially instrigued by the Wait-a-Minute-Moments.

I cannot say when this was a precise wait-a-minute-moment, but maybe a gradual process to get there.  I know longer have to have an immacuately clean house to feel good about company coming over.  I know there is a difference between a really dirty house and one that just has some day-to-day clutter.  I think people feel more at home in a home they feel at home in - one that is comfortable and relaxed.  Why put so much pressure on myself for perfection?

And to STOP being a compulsive comparer - that lead to nothing positive.

What are some of yours?

Homeland Security Surprise - Chapter One: Marriage and Surprises-

I am sure many of us have airport stories to share - especially if you have gone through customs.   When reading about the interaction between Felipe and Tom, the Homeland Security officer there were several things that stood out to me, but none other more than the kindness of the human spirit shown through this "stranger".

At this point they were referring to each other on a first-name basis, and there was some empathy being shared, whether spoken or unspoken.

I am reminded of my daughters own recent airport story where this unexpected, but very welcome, kindness was also shown.  My daughter attendend college overseas right after high school, met a man from that country, married and that brings us here now - 10 years later.  Some major problems were brewing and she needed to leave in a hurry, packed 2 bags, a carry on and headed to the airport for the long journey home.  

At her second check point she needed to collect her bags, run through the London Heathrow terminal and catch her next flight leaving in 20 minutes.   She had just enough money to make it home and she was going to be charged a very hefty amount for 2 overweight bags.  The manager was doing her job and was very adamant and strict about these charges.   My daughter was explaining to her that she had to leave quickly and her whole life was in those 2 bags and it was imperative she catch that next flight home - all the while just hoping and praying that there would be some kind of softening of this woman's spirit.  There was!  As she was tagging her bags she softly said she would only charge her a portion of what should have been paid.  What a relief - and she did make her flight and get home safely.

She had to come so quickly that we didn't even know she was here until she was here, so we were unaware of any of this at the time.  But I loved hearing about that same kind of empathy and kindness shown even after a few minutes instead of several hours as it had been with Felipe and Tom.

How about you?  When have you experienced that unexpected kindness of a stranger?  The kind that left you encouraged and eager to pass it on.

Marriage and Surprises - Chapter One

In the beginning of this first chapter Elizabeth talks about how providence interfered with her plans.  I have only read this first chapter and find myself very absorbed in her story of how this providence is shaping her life.  I wonder how many times our lives have been changed by providence?  Many times we know it and but how many other times has that happened that we are not even aware of.  Or maybe we are aware of it, but don't recognize it. 

The older I get, the less I try to fight that!  Just seems to work out better all the way around that way.

I am wondering if anyone has a time they want to share about where they definitely knew providence was in control?

Twenty Seven Extraordinary Women - Which One are You?

In Elizabeth's Gilbert note to the reader she mentions twenty seven women who are part of her intimate circle.  These are the women for whom her book was written.  Every woman can find herself at least once within this list.  

If you have ever experienced heartbreaking loss, you are included right away. 

Because Elizabeth did not try to write this book for millions of readers I think we will be in for a real treat as we turn the pages of this book and discover how important it is for all of us to have this kind of inner circle of support and friendship.

I have certainly experienced heartbreaking loss.  This first was probably a broken heart as a teenager - which seems small now, but at the time was a big deal!  I am a wife, a mother, a daughter, a granddaughter - each with its own joys and struggles finding that I gain insight from different people for each step along the path.

Where do you find yourself in this list of twenty seven women? 

 

Committed - Elizabeth Gilbert

Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia

Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage

• If a more likeable writer than Gilbert is currently in print, I haven't found him or her
• A meditation on love in its many forms - love of food, language, humanity, God...
• This is a wonderful book, brilliant and personal, filled with sorrow and a great sense of humor
• Elizabeth Gilbert is everything you would love in a tour guide

 At the end of her bestselling memoir, Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert fell in love with Felipe, a Brazilian-born man of Australian citzenship who had been living in Indonesia when they met. Resettling in America, the couple swore eternal fidelity to each other, but also swore to never, ever under any circumstances get legally married. (Both were survivors of previous horrific divorces. Enough said.) But providence intervened one day in the form of the United States government which, after unexpectedly detaining Felipe at the America border crossing, gave the couple a choice: they could either get married, or Felipe would never be allowed to enter the country agaiin.

Committed tells the story of one woman's efforts to make peace with marriage before she entered its estate once more.  Told with Gilbert's trademark wit, intelligence and compassion, the book attemptsd to "turn on all the lights" when it comes to matrimony.  In the end, the book becomes a celebration of love.

Join us as we read this captivating book and discuss our thoughts along the way!